Trade Your Kids in for a New Model
In the Disney movie, Aladdin, there’s a memorable moment where the main characters are floating through the city of Agrabah, seeing the world from a different vantage point. Aladdin and Jasmine are from very different backgrounds. Regardless of that, they were both able to see things from a different perspective. No wonder they burst into song, singing about “A Whole New World!”
I’ve spent the past 30+ years taking kids (including my own) on international trips. Call it mission work, humanitarian efforts, or some version of serving. I’ve been to seven different countries and taken over 20 student mission trips. Those trips allowed our teams to make an impact on the cultures we encountered. I must confess, however, an ulterior motive in hauling teenagers across the globe.
I believe that when you take a person out of their familiar cultural environment to a new culture, they are changed forever. They see the world differently. They see themselves differently.
So, my wife and I made a decision early in our marriage to put our children in the mix of overseas, mission efforts early in their lives; as early as twelve years old. We wanted our children to have a heart of compassion and service. Little did we realize what an impact that decision would make on our entire family!
We were looking for a change in our kids; what we got was a different family!
Ok, maybe I need to clarify that title a bit. We didn’t TRADE our kids for new ones! (Although we all know that idea hasn’t crossed your mind a few times!) The “different family” we wound up with was a family that was closer, stronger in faith, and had a more others-centered focus in most everything we did. Here are a few of the major “wins” we found as we served together. Use these “wins” to motivate you.
Compassionate Kids
We read in the Bible where the Apostle Paul gives a great list of Christ-like qualities we should all strive for, no matter what our belief system. He states “So, chosen by God for this new life of love, dress in the wardrobe God picked out for you: compassion, kindness, humility, quiet strength, discipline.” - Colossians 3:12 (MSG) The first quality Paul mentioned is compassion. Who doesn’t want a more compassionate kid? Goodness knows the world has plenty of self-centered people. Can you imagine the change the world could experience if there was a “You, then me” mentality? Can you imagine the change when that attitude is coming from a teenager?! The word “shocking” comes to mind.
It’s one thing to feel compassion for another person; it’s something else entirely to display compassion toward another person.
Putting your kids in serving environments opens up all kinds of doors for them to display compassion toward others. When you’re meeting needs in people’s lives, it’s active, not passive. When your kids show care for another person, it involves movement and sacrifice on their part. One of my favorite quotes is “people don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.” Caring for others creates compassionate people.
Strong Leaders
A big challenge mission work presents to the average American is flexibility. Our fast-paced lifestyle is a foreign concept to many countries. For example, we can plan our day of serving, but when we get to the work site two hours late, or when our supplies haven’t been delivered, or our transportation never arrives to pick us up — all of which have happened to us on the mission field — it can be frustrating.
These moments force us to be flexible, and flexibility forces us to take on a leadership role and to solve problems. How will we spend that time while waiting on our ride? What ministry can we do since our supplies aren’t here? How can we work together to get where we need to go?
By putting our kids into problem-solving environments, we activate leadership skills in them.
Years ago, my 13-year old daughter and I took a mission trip to Haiti. We went to help rebuild housing for Haitians who had been displaced during their massive earthquake in 2010. We were greeted by a team of Haitians very excited to see us. We gathered together to pray over the work, but instead of diving right into the labor, they began to sing worship songs and dance.
After a few Haitian songs, they looked at us as if to say, “Ok, Americans! Your turn!” I was not prepared for this, and no one would be prepared for me leading a song. My daughter, however, gathered up a few of the other teens on our team and began to sing a worship song. Everyone broke out into dance. Laughter ensued. I saw a side of my daughter I had never seen before. Today, she serves on the mission field in London, England and helps lead worship in her church there.
My other daughter, during her senior in high school, returned home from camp and a mission trip in the Dominican Republic and began a weekly mentoring relationship with two pre-teen girls in our neighborhood. Today, she is married and is working on her Masters in Psychology and focusing on Family Counseling. As a parent, I am blown away by the leadership that both of my daughters display every day!
Better Communication in the Family
Parents complain their kids don’t talk to them anymore. Meanwhile students wish their parents would share more about their lives. Both sides are hungry for conversation, but no one is talking.
Family communication breaks down within our inability to have shared experiences.
It seems we simply don’t have anything to talk about that ties us together. But when we take time to serve together, we open ourselves up to deeper levels of conversation that bring us closer.
Improved self-image
Arguably, one of the foundational issues associated with teenage problems is an unhealthy self-image. Teenage rebellion, peer pressure, and relationship issues can many times be traced back to a student that doesn’t have a solid foundation of their identity and their purpose in life.
This is the most exciting benefit I’ve seen from having our girls serve with our family. It is the pinnacle of all the other benefits that I’ve shared so far. When kids are put in environments that require compassion, leadership, and deep communication, their views of themselves and the world around them are much healthier.
A healthy self-image stems from an accurate view of our worth. Our tendency to focus on ourselves gives us a distorted perspective of ourselves and, therefore, an inaccurate view of who we are. Being around people who are different from us and meeting the needs of people, forces us outward and lets us see our lives as more purposeful and meaningful.
Families serving in mission work or service together find a whole new world opens up to them. They become a family that is no longer easily sucked into the trappings of their day-to-day existence. They see themselves involved in something bigger than themselves, with a renewed sense of purpose and a different perspective on the people around them.
My family has become different because of the opportunities we’ve had to serve together.
On those days when trading in your family for a new one sounds pretty appealing, why not trade in the family vacation for a week of serving others instead? You may be surprised by the selfless leader that’s just waiting to emerge from your kid.